Yeah. I don’t think I can do this.
And so is it for Jae, he’s stunned by this sudden show of affection, the embrace he had been too cowardly to initiate by himself, and he steps into it willingly, letting out a pathetic little sob as he loses himself in Junsu’s touch, burying his face in the other man’s shoulder. Even though his boots don’t give him much height it’s still easy for him to just hide away in the other man’s neck, arms tight around him. He didn’t care about the open door, didn’t care about his surroundings other than the person that was just wrapped around him holding him close like this. His own emotions are fighting to spill over, he could lose everything in this embrace and somehow he was willing, no matter how hard he was trying to just hold it back. He didn’t know why all of a sudden his arms were around Junsu’s shoulders like a clingy child, he knew he acted like one.
"I missed you so much," he mumbles into the fabric of Junsu’s shirt, and he wipes his tears on his own sleeve which is conveniently right next to his eyes, and he backs just a half step so he can look at the other man. Those gorgeous teardrop shaped eyes captivate him more than they should, more than many gazes can. It’s the mystery in these eyes that intrigue him, that maybe there is something more behind them that he can figure out, more of a person that he now has to scope out, more of a bond that they can perhaps reacquaint themselves with now that he is finally back. “I… I guess I’d ask where you’ve been, but… I don’t want to pry or anything…" He leaned forward again, pressing a shy kiss to Junsu’s cheek because he felt it was right, it seems they knew each other well enough to pick up differences, comforting him that just maybe they really could pick everything back again and put it back together.
Even after all the shit in the past week or two, he feels it all coming back into the realm of being okay again. All the pain melts as he is held, all the nerves are held at bay as he realizes that there’s someone here, and that it’s Junsu. The man who he’d kissed a few times now, but hadn’t in a long time. He should have held him closer, should have showed him more than he did as he continues to hide away in Junsu’s arms.
There’s a sharp pain that Junsu feels in his chest when Jaejoong pulls back and he can see the evidence of tears in the other man’s eyes. It’s a natural reaction when he brings one hand up to glide through Jaejoong’s soft hair in an attempt to comfort the man he’s missed so much. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, voice barely audible. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to will away the overwhelming physical discomfort he’s starting to feel from all of the emotions that are washing over him in waves. “It’s not prying if it’s coming from you,” he finds himself saying it before he has time to think about it, but after it’s already said he realizes how true it really is. He wouldn’t mind telling Jaejoong about where he’s been and what’s happened to him; and more if he wanted to know more. He would probably end up telling him everything.
But he opts for putting that off first, because he knows even without being told that Jaejoong hasn’t been sleeping— being awake at such a late hour and in this coffee shop no less makes it more than obvious to Junsu.
"Why are you here this late?" Again, another seemingly hypocritical sentence because it’s not like it’s any more normal for him to be here at this hour either, but he just had a feeling that if he decided to come down this street, that the other would be here. It could be something more than just a feeling, but it’s not like Junsu can outright say that. At least, not right now. It wouldn’t make any sense. “I don’t think anyone wants coffee at this hour,” it’s his small attempt to lighten the atmosphere, a slight laugh in his voice that’s short lived. “You know you always look amazing… but you look tired too,” his voice is soft and the affection he feels for the other is obvious by his tone; the worry, and he meets those beautiful eyes again with his own, somewhat searching for something in the gaze staring back at him.
Please make sure to follow the blog also found here and follow the tag #BAL808. Jonghyun and I hope to see you in class soon.
|C, H, T|
C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed: A long time. Months, even.
H - The last person I hugged: Jaejoong.
T- 5 things I love unconditionally: I don’t love a lot of things, to be honest. I can’t even list 5.
|All the letters.|
A - If I’m in love: Maybe? I don’t know.
B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was: I don’t really talk on the phone a lot, and honestly, I can’t remember.
C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed: Months…
D - If I have a preference for boys or girls: I prefer men.
E - How many holes I have in my ears: 4.
F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?: Cold, because when you’re hot you can’t really do anything about it, but if you’re cold you can add blankets and layer your clothes.
G - The last person I said ‘I love you’ to: … my last ex.
H - The last person I hugged: Jaejoong.
I - The last time I felt jealous, and why: Yesterday. I don’t feel like explaining, though.
J - How old I am: 26.
K- What i hate: Emotions… like feeling jealous for no reason. Feeling weak… I also hate when people expect things of me that I can’t give to them.
L - If I have siblings: No.
M - If I forgive betrayal: No. Not usually.
N - If you want to know how I treat my friends: It depends on how close I am to them… but I don’t really consider people my friend unless I’m already extremely close to them. I’ll do a lot for the people I care about.
O - If I like my school: So far, I like it here.
P - What kind of music I like: Calming music… mostly anything from the piano.
Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be: Jaejoong’s party… I don’t know when I’ll go to another one.
R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities: I have a lot that I don’t feel like sharing, but I really want to know what cats are thinking on a daily basis.
S - 2 habits: Somehow developed an addiction to pills recently. As for another habit… I don’t know, actually.
T- 5 things I love unconditionally: Things? Cats, my piano, uh… myself. Except not. I don’t know. I don’t have a lot of things like that.
U - How many texts I send daily: I don’t really.
V - 3 big dreams:
W - An idol: No.
X - If I’ve done something I regret very much: Yes, I have.
Y - If I like my town and why: It’s ok.
Z - Ask any question you want: You didn’t ask me anything for this.
A - If I’m in love.
B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was.
C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed.
D - If I have a preference for boys or girls.
E - How many holes I have in my ears.
F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?’
G - The last person I said ‘I love you’ to.
H - The last person I hugged.
I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.
J - How old I am.
K- What i hate.
L - If I have siblings.
M - If I forgive betrayal.
N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.
O - If I like my school.
P - What kind of music I like.
Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be.
R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.
S - 2 habits.
T- 5 things I love unconditionally.
U - How many texts I send daily.
V - 3 big dreams.
W - An idol.
X - If I’ve done something I regret very much.
Y - If I like my town and why.
Z - Ask any question you want.
It was oblivion that lent itself to Jaejoong, being himself like this, not allowing any further stints of activity in terms of the persona he’d adopted in the past few days, hanging out too much with a certain man who had a large forehead and brought out a very bad side of him, the overcompetitive. Always fighting to be better and bring himself to the belief that perhaps someday he could be good at what he did. That was why he made himself stay up like this, when he could be resting he was here. He barely registered the sound of the bell that sounded from the fact that there was someone who had walked into the coffee shop. He took a few seconds to collect himself, just about ready to hop off the chair at the counter and turn himself with a wide and yet tired smile to see who had walked in. But then his name fell from lips too familiar, a voice he’d dreamed about many times since the last he’d heard it. This one was different from the almost identical one, this one was more comforting, more welcome, music to his ears as he turned his head, whizzing around ungracefully, eyes comically wide. “Junsu…?”
He knew the man. Okay, so he had changed, but he had to be the one who had… it had been a while since it had happened but there was still a certain amount of memory associated with it, and Jae took a step forward, one hand coming up from his side and reaching slightly outwards. “You… you look good,” was the first thing he said in a shy voice, mouth slightly open like he was going to say something else. The darker hair framed that round face he’d grown to adore so much, even though he seemed just a little different, his own voice laced with the anxiety of being confronted with something like this. But he was happy about it, he was glad that he at least felt something. Even though Junsu seemed just the slightest bit different it was okay, people changed and it was a natural thing, he would never change his feelings for someone just because there was something of another nature. He was too used to people leaving him because he had changed. “I… It’s been a while,” he murmured, resisting every urge to bury the younger man in an embrace.
He took the last few steps before he was about two feet from Junsu, easily falling back into the want of an embrace but he tried to look at him, tried to figure out what was different without trying to pry. “It’s good to see you again, Junsu… really.” He didn’t even know what else he could say, stepping one step to the side to show Junsu he could sit down if he wanted, could make himself comfortable anywhere, whatever he wanted to do, a nervous smile on the lips that had stolen many times the ones of the long-missed man standing across from him.
Normally, he would be watching and analyzing the moments of the person across from him, mostly because he’s more used to doing that than making prolonged eye contact; it’s more comfortable. Breaking eye contact for even a split second as Jaejoong talks to him, however, is something that he’s unable to do. He’s always been fond of this man’s eyes, and seeing them now after so long has him captivated. He can see the exhaustion, practically hear it in the words being spoken to him, and he wonders what’s happened to Jaejoong in the time they’ve been apart. He seems different too, just a little but enough that Junsu can pick up on it.
"I missed you," he says quietly, a small but sincere smile forming on his lips. He knows saying something like that might seem extremely hypocritical, especially since he was the one who left without a word. But he can’t help it; he used to be good at controlling his emotions but recently… it’s a lot harder for him. He also can’t help the worry he feels right now, because as amazing as Jaejoong looks, like he always does, he also looks exhausted and… something else.
He takes a small, almost cautious step forward, taking one of Jaejoong’s hands in his, pulling the other man closer into an embrace that starts out hesitant but, on Junsu’s part, easily melts into something more comfortable, more familiar… warm.
He missed Jaejoong a lot more than he thought, because the instant he has him in his arms, he has to try a lot harder to keep himself completely together. With everything that’s happened, Jaejoong is the only thing familiar to him anymore, the only person he really feels comfortable around. From just the small time they spent together, it doesn’t seem logical. It could be a crush or infatuation, but there has to be something else too. There has to be a reason why Junsu is managing not to lose himself around the other while being overwhelmed with emotion. He doesn’t know how or why and he can’t make any sense of it, but he doesn’t want to. Over-analyzing is something he’s done way too much lately, and he’d rather not do it again. For now he can just accept the fact that they bonded, that they have some type of chemistry. It’s good enough for him.
Just as there’s an art to baking a cake, there’s an art to casting a spell. When a witch performs a magic spell, they designs a series of thoughts and actions that will bring about a condition in the visible world. A spell might include images, words, movements, and/or objects, but the most important “ingredient” is the witch’s will. When you cast a spell, you connect with the creative force that abides in the universe. You serve as a conduit for that force. You’re the catalyst that produces a result. The basic steps to casting an effective spell are as follows:
- Decide if it is casual or formal
- Choose the appropriate moon phase
- Assemble your equipment
- Get in the right frame of mind
- Create the right environment
- Cleanse your ritual area
- Cast your circle
- State the intention of your work
- Direct your power and cast the spell
- Ground yourself and close your circle